Carnut's Family Legacy

[Carnut]

Here are few more pages. I don't think you guys are interested so this might be the last installment.

Vito Carnutoloni continued.

Climbed into her hat box.

What did you think was going to happen you nasty perverts. I’m just a stinking squirrel in deep crappola looking for a way out of the country.

Well I got a good nights sleep except for the snoring and it weren’t me. My nerves calmed down and my headache was gone. I made it through the night and I was feeling pretty good again. I only had one thing to figure out and that would be easy for clever young squirrel with a bad accent.

I knew the pretty young daughter was leaving for America. She just need an honest strong escort and protector. It just so happens there was a young man from Rome visiting before he too left for America. I think he must have been old Italian royalty because of his funny name. Maddimus Maximo. I about died laughing the first time I heard, but what the heck, everyone needs a name.

So I tell Uncle Joegy about this guy and he says he will talk to him. Uncle Joegy starts fretting about how much money he is going to need to pay this guy. I wonder why, she is beautiful, why would this guy want money. Hmmm. Come to think of it when I snuck into his daughter’s room, it was dark. I hadn’t really seen here but boy, I sure heard her snore. So I just came out and asked Uncle Joegy about it, but he gets really pissed a proclaims her beauty and blah blah blah.

Alrighty then. Just about that time, the beautiful daughter comes downstairs. She announces herself with a songbirds voice and the groan of the stairs. Well, she was kind of pretty, but alas she probably had six truckloads of pizza too many. This just isn’t going to be easy.

So Maddumus Maximo is summoned. I couldn’t believe it when he showed up. He was just a big as she was. And he loved pizza. What could be more perfect. Well they both hit it off so everyone was happy. Even Uncle Joegy was happy.

It turns out Maximo was a ladies hat maker. We put two and two together and we decide I am going to be a ladies hat for Joelina, that’s her name, I swear. I just play dead on her head and I get to sneak out of Sicily.

I just love it when a plan comes together.

So we all pack up, I jump on Joelina’s head and off we go. We board this beautiful ship on its way to America. I forget the name of it, maybe it was the Titanic or something like that. Anyway, that is not important, all that was important was that I was alive and we were on our way.

Sometimes things just work out for the Carnutoloni’s. It must be all that good Karma we carry around with us.

The weather was great, I went wherever I wanted, except when I had to be a hat. I basked for hours on the deck and snacked on acorns whenever I wanted. In the evenings I like to go up to the bow of the ship and just feel the ocean’s breeze. One night while I was pretending to be the figure head on the bow when a pretty little squirrel comes out on the deck.

So I introduce myself and tell her I am glad to be going to America. She tells me she too is going to America with her rich fiancé. I was crestfallen, how could I compete with a rich fiancé, afterall I was just a poor squirrel. I could tell she was telling me the truth because she was wearing this huge blue diamond necklace. I wasn’t about to give up though, I told her I too would be rich when I got to America.

Over the next several days, I would see her on deck and I would run over to work my magic on her. I could never be too witty. It seemed to be working, she would smile at everything I said to her. I even found some birthday cake one evening. That delighted her immensely. She told me here fiancé would never get her birthday cake. I knew now that I really was winning her over. What a dog her fiancé must be, never giving her cake.

One night, a commotion broke out on the ship. A big shudder was felt on board and the crew was running around all over the place. I ran up on deck to see what was going on. All I could see was this huge white wall that reached into the sky, it looked like ice. What the heck was ice doing out in the middle of the ocean I wondered.

I overheard one of the crew members telling another we had hit an ice berg and that the ship was taking on water. That didn’t sound very good to me, a ship could sink if there was too much water in it. Good thing for me I had checked out the ship before and knew where the life boats were. Oh but what about the nice squirrel girl, I had to save her. I scurried down to her cabin and found her there with her hot shot fiancé.

We have to go, I tell them. The fiancé says you ain’t going nowhere, this ship is unsinkable. Besides he says, he hadn’t finished his birthday cake. I explain the ship is going to sink, and reach out to grab the pretty squirrel and he pops me one the muzzle. He trys to through me out, big mistake. I pull out a stiletto and stab him in the heart and grab the pretty squirrel lady who had fainted.

I carried up the stairs, down the stairs, up the stairs and after a seemingly endless journey, I get her out on the deck. To my shock, all of the lifeboats are gone. We were in deep doo-doo, I had to do something.

The ship was beginning to sink when………………………………………………….

[Mr. White]

Who's not interested?

[Johnny Dangerously]

More please!

[Carnut]

Okay here is some more.

Remember this is a true story, every bit of it.

Vito Carnutoloni-continued.

I remembered that hat box and the blue diamond. Quickly I ran back inside the ship, it was filling fast with water. I pried open Joelina’s cabin door and found it. I darn near drowned but I got it. It looked like Maddimus and Joelina has already saved themselves and completely forgot about me. Just goes to show you.

Once I was back up on deck I found the pretty squirrel lady, still unconscious. I grabbed her up and we both jumped in the hatbox. It was a good thing too, because just at the moment a large wave washed us away. Man it was dark and cold. The only sound we could hear was the lapping of waves against the hat box. I started thinking that I really hoped this box was made with waterproof glue. It seem to be holding up for now. The pretty squirrel lady was shaking from the cold. Oh if we can just last the night.

I woke up to the sun coming up over the edge of the horizon. I was still very cold but the hat box had held up. The pretty squirrel lady was cuddled up beside me as if she felt safe for now. I pondered what our next move should be. We had a little food, left over birthday cake and a couple acorns. She woke up and stared at me for several minutes, not a word, just stared.

Finally, she said, “Did the boat sink?” I nodded that it had. Several more minutes went by and she asked about her fiancé. I told her that he didn’t make it. Then she said thank you and gave me a little kiss. I wasn’t quite sure what to say, so I said nothing. The hours went by and we snacked on the birthday cake. It seemed to keep our spirits up.

We were lost, nothing to be seen in any direction was ocean. I needed to do something so we wouldn’t perish out here. Then I noticed something floating in the water, it appear to be some toy boat with a little steam engine. How funny I thought, some little rich kids toy from the ship. It’s still floating, to bad it’s a toy. As I examined it further it had a real toy steam engine on it. Maybe we could use it some how.

Then I had an inspiration. I would just hook a little tow rope up to it and it could pull us. Yeah, that’s a great idea but what about fuel. I still had some acorns left. So I fashion a tow rope out of seaweed that was floating by and secured the little toy to our hatbox. I crushed some of acorns and put them in the little boiler. Now what, I don’t have match and I can’t rub sticks together.

The diamond, the blue diamond. I held it up to the sun much like a magnifying glass and focused the ray on the acorns in the boiler box. The began to glow and all of the sudden the boat motor sprang to life. We were moving, boy were we moving, must have been doing 50 knots. It was unbelievable. I was even thinking about trying water skiing but thought the better of it. We just sat back and enjoyed the ride.

Before we knew we were in New York harbor, the little engine gasped its last just as we landed on a beach. We were safe. I jumped out of the hatbox and the pretty little squirrel lady ……………………………………….

[Johnny Dangerously]

[black vert ss]

I claim the movie rights!

[Mr. White]

This is good stuff!

[Johnny Dangerously]

Originally Posted by black vert ss

I claim the movie rights!

Ok, but I get all the marketing rights. It worked for George Lucas.

[Carnut]

found this page in the old family bible.

Vito Carnutoloni continued


Disappeared without even telling me her name.

Guess I wasn’t rich enough. Right then and there I vowed I would get rich, and no lady would ever say no to me. I headed into town and wandered aimlessly until I arrived at this huge park, it was full of oak trees. I climbed up the biggest one I could find. Pretty good I thought, found me a place on my first day.

It didn’t take long to find out it wasn’t going to be that easy. A gang of really big fat squirrels and chipmunk starting shoving me around. I told them I didn’t want any trouble and I was sorry if I was in their tree. They took my acorns and knock me out of top branch. I was knocked out where I fell on the trash cans. I was hurt and humiliated. I also figured out this was a pretty tough park too.

As I laid there, I contemplated what I could to make myself tougher. While I was thinking, a black and white cat came up and asked me what I was doing in his trash can. I told him my story and laugh. He said I wasn’t going to last long around here. Said that gang had been harassing him to. He asked if I wanted to get my acorns back. Of course I did.

He handed me a little .38 snub nose and told me what to do. Later after it got dark, the black and white cat who was a real skunk hollered out to gang up in tee. They told him to get lost and pelted him acorns. The skunk, lets call it like it is, challenges them. He said he had something of theirs and the only way they were going to get it was to come down and take from him. Down they came, and confronted the skunk.

I snuck out behind the trash cans, and BANG BANG BANG BANG, popped a cap into each one of them. We dumped the gang into the trash can. I put the heater in a hollow of the tree and ran like hell. I stayed out of site until the sanitation guys picked up the cans the next day.

I noticed the rest of the animals in the park were keeping their distance so I decided to move back in to the big tree. Over the next several days, I noticed bags of acorns had been left at the bottom and no one was touching them.

I decided to take them up into my tree, no one said a word. Wow, that was pretty easy, they must like me. Why not? I am a pretty friendly squirrel. Pretty soon, more and more acorns started showing up. Even a little money and cash, some jewel began to make its way to my tree.

One day the skunk shows up, he finds all kinds of stuff in trash cans. He hollers ups in the tree and asks if its ok if takes it. I tell sure, why would I care. The skunk hollers back up tree…………………………………

[Joe G]

I'm hooked on the story!

You may be the official Mafia Family story teller!

[Johnny Dangerously]

Originally Posted by Joe G

I'm hooked on the story!

You may be the official Mafia Family story teller!

+1000

[Carnut]

Okay I found one page. I have been up in the attic all day finding this stuff and I am wore out. I'll see what else I can find tomorrow.

Vito Carnutolono continued again.


“ You’re the new boss of the park. Let me know if I can ever do you a favor. Even if it’s never asked, just know, if you ever do, I will be at your service, not matter what the favor is”. Cool, this park thing is going to work out pretty good.

Ah, it was great, know one gave me crap. I had all the acorns I wanted. The skunk even took a shower before getting to close to my tree. I was kind of a godfather to all the other creatures in the park. The skunk started bringing around visitors who were always trying to kiss my paw and my ass to if you know what I mean.

Well this went on through the spring and the summer. Fall brought with it a chill in the air and the end of my fresh acorns. It was a good thing I had filled my tree hollow with all of the other goodies the park residents had been leaving. It was quite a hollow, it had a parlor, bedroom and a kitchen. The toilet was outside so it wasn’t that great, but it was still better than holes in the ground.

It was one of those stormy nights. Rain came down and lightning filled the air. I was still pretty comfy in my tree. I smoke a few of my favorite cigars and sipped on acorn cappuccino. The weather didn’t bother me too much. It was kind of neat with the lightning and all.

As a got real late, I noticed a car came into the park, no headlights. It was an old Pierce-Arrow I think. It just drives up the picnic table near my tree and stops. There were people inside yelling about territory and bosses and other stuff I couldn’t hear. The yelling got louder and louder. After several minutes, the door opens and two really big guys get out and drag out another not big guy. He looked kind of familiar but I couldn’t place him. I tried to make out his face every time there was a flash of lightning.

I notice two big guys had guns, they were telling the other guy to give them the location of the goods. He kept refusing. Boy he was stubborn I thought. They start smacking him around some. Finally, I recognize him. It was Maddiumus Maximo from the old country, the guy that escorted Joelina to America and made escape from Sicily possible. Even though they got off the ship without any concern for me, I felt I owed him something.

The two thugs were getting real impatient now. The smacking was turning into beating and looked awful serious. I really had to do something soon. I went back into my tree hollow and found that .38 and a slipped out the escape burrow at the bottom, where I found the skunk. The nerve of the guy, pee uuu, he could have at least told me. I told him to be quiet.

Just then, one of thugs raises his gun to Maddimus and shoots. I had to act, I shoot him, Maddimus pulls out one and pretty soon there is lead flying all over the place. Down goes the other thug, down goes ………………………………………………

[Joe G]

I see where you got your attitude from now.

[Carnut]

Attitude is everything

[Birdman]

Originally Posted by Carnut

Attitude is everything

[Joe G]

I found a pic of you and the lovely Joelina!

[TOMMY GUN]

Birthday cake?




Acorn cappucino




.

[Carnut]

Joelina is Maddimus' heart throb. Grandpa's heart throb as of yet is un-named. This will all be made clear later. :mafia20smile:

Pay attention.

The birthday cake is of minor significance now, however it may be a key element later.

[TOMMY GUN]

Gypsies?

More mafia connections?

Your days w/ the rock band?

Stuart Little?

[twobjshelbys]

4 days and no sequel? We're anxiously awaiting.